I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
