this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
