you traded sex for a burrito?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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