I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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