69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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