69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
