I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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