Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
