we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
