24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
