ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
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