is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
