I'm going to jail i love you
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
