I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
