do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
it's like heaven, but drunker
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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