Apparently you make a good broom.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
