fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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