I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
