you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
