I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
