So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
