So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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