I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The adults are the big ones right?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
