I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
