he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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