u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
