sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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