Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
