the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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