I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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