I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
