Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
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It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
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Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize