I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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