1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
