we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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