I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
