She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
