Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
