I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
