GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
