A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize