Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
