Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
