He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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