bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
