My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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