I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
