I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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