I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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