giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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