Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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