I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
