I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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