so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
