South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
