i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
