I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
