this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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