i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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