For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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