If i come over, it means nothing
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
