Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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