I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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