Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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