....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
im six kinds of drunk right now
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
