oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
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You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I wear drunk well.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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