She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
