The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
