margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
