The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
