I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
