I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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