Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
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