my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
