I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
