Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
