Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
