You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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