Umm I'm too high to move.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
