Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
two words: eviction party
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
