i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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