that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
