If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Mom said you looked used
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
