i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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