you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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