walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
