Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
