I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
