I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
