Rock
Scissors
Fuck
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
